Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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