no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
