But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
pray to the hookup gods
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
