if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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