Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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