I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
