oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
