The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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