ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
