Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
