just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
