I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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