I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
