Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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