Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
