you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
