It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
