i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
