She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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