I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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