First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize