I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize