A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
