I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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