my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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