I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
