Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
