porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
