Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
