i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
