saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i now understand why vodka
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
