I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
