so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
