Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize