I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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