using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
