ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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