So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
