I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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