Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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