I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
