New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
