UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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