He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
