It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
