We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
