it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
