and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
