the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
