you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize