apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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