i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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