the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
