I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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