Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
