Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
