she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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