Apparently you make a good broom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize