The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
