The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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