I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
