I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
