it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
