Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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