we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have post one night stand depression
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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