I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
