We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
