Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
