Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
