Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
