They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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