I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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