youre lurking in front of me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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