Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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