yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize