I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
