I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
