Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
