he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
