Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
