spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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