I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
