I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
