I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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