Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
