She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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