I wish i was in the wii world.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
