every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
