Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
