Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
