none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
