how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
