Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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