How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
