i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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