I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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