I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
