Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
