she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
