At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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