You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
