Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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