Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
