Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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