HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
