he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize